


In Which Jake English Isn't Cosplaying, He's Just Embarrassed

by Miriage



Category: Homestuck
Genre: <3, (That's Right I Just Less Than Three'd This Fic), Also The word "Embarrassed" is used like Fifty Times, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Dog Ears and Tail, Embarrassed Jake English, Embarrassment, Jake's Part Dog, M/M, More Characters Maybe, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, This is What Happens When You Watch Tokyo Mew Mew Reruns, shy jake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 03:04:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8311519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miriage/pseuds/Miriage
Summary: "Your name is Jake English and, as your grandmother has told you, every time you get embarrassed your dog ears come out."(In Which Jake has a "problem" and Dirk gets a boyfriend who isn't 100% human most of the time.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when you watch Tokyo Mew Mew. You have been warned.

Your name is Jake English and you have a little problem.

 

Okay, maybe it’s bigger than a “little problem”, but…well…. it’s embarrassing to talk about.

 

It’s very embarrassing to talk about.

 

No, it’s humiliating to talk about! Your problem defies the definition of everything human and normal!

 

Blasted dickens just why do you have this “problem”?!

 

This “problem” has been one that’s been present in your family for generations. Your grandmother had it and her mother had it and her mother’s mother had it and her mother’s mother’s mother had it and-

 

Well, you get the idea.

 

You’re already late to class this morning because of your “problem”. You had had an encounter with a dog, a pedestrian, and a teenage girl, that had left your shorts soiled with dirt and then-

 

“That” happened. And when “that” happened, you had yelped, grabbed your beanie from your bag and had quickly shoved it on your head, all but running to class.

 

And now you were late. About twenty minutes late.

 

But again, you couldn’t help it! You had to wait until your “problem” disappeared and even then you didn’t want to take your beanie off.

 

After a final readjustment you take a deep breath and enter the classroom. Your teacher doesn’t miss a beat.

 

“English you’re late. Detention after school today and take that stupid hat off your head before I burn all your hair off.”

 

The beanie is removed from your head and, judging by the way your teacher is holding out his hand, he wants you to give it to him. You pause and move to shove the beanie in your bag but the overwhelming glare your teacher is giving you has your blood turn cold. You can hear a few snickers from the class and you quickly push the beanie into his hands lest you become more embarrassed.

 

(And being embarrassed is something you never try to be.)

 

You sit down in your seat and the lesson continues. Your classmates go back to studying and you can finally feel the thin veil of heat leaving your cheeks. Luckily its vanishing fast and you think you can make it through the rest of class without anymore problems. You can feel your spirits lifting. Sure this morning was rough, but you are confident that today is going to be an embarrassment-free day.

 

Yes, you are sure of it! After all you’re Jake English and English’s don’t let little encounters sway their inner instincts!

 

At least, that’s what you tell yourself throughout class.

* * *

 

All thoughts vanish into thin air at the end of class when Dirk Strider turns around and- (heaven forbids)

 

 _Winks_ at you.

 

As in, at you _at you._

 

God, he even lifts up his shades so you can see his orange eyes.

 

And…now you’re shaking.

 

And all too soon he walks towards you and smiles.

 

“Noticed that you were late today English.” he says quietly and you can literally hear the blood pumping through your ears. You swallow.

 

“Yes well,” you say as confidently as you can. “I had an encounter with a furry beast and I was trying to save a damsel in distress! Luckily no one got hurt except my trousers.”

 

Dirk chuckles slightly and you can hear that pounding in your chest again. You do your best to calm it down by taking deep breaths like your grandmother taught you.

 

“Cool. Nice to know we have English’s protecting our town’s female population.” Dirk says, his voice still soft. There’s quick frown that passes by his face. “Hang on I think you got some dirt on your-”

 

He leans in close to your face and you feel a finger swipe at a spot on your left cheek and-

 

You’re blushing. You’re burning. The skin-to-skin contact is too much. Getting touched by Dirk Strider is too much. The breathing is ignored as you feel something _move_ on top of your head.

 

You quickly push back and clap your hands on your head. You give a way-too-loud laugh, standing up and backing away towards the classroom door quickly.

 

“Well that was a good chat and all that good chap but I think it’s time for me to scurry off and make like the wind and such before I’m late for my next class! Tootaaloo!” comes out of your mouth in a flurried jumble of words and then you’re running to the nearest bathroom. You rush in and run to the handicap stall that is, luckily, equipped with a sink and a mirror. You lock yourself in and stare at your red face and remove you hands from your head.

 

Two white fluffy dog-ears poke out of your hair in an embarrassing way.

 

You’re name is Jake English and, as your grandmother has told you, every time you get embarrassed your dog ears come out.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Your “puppy ear” problem wasn't that _big_ of a problem back when you were living on your island. They only ever came out when you had accidently done something wrong or messed up or when your grandmother teased you. Your cheeks would burn and you would look down (ashamedly) and then _poof_ ,

 

White dog-ears on your head.

 

It was only after you moved to the mainland that your problem got worse. Too many new things, too many chances to mess up,

 

Too many times your ears popped up.

 

And yes, in the beginning people would point and stare and you’d feel even more embarrassed.

 

Even remembering it now was embarrassing.

 

God golly gosh you’re whole life suddenly seems so dang blasted embarrassing!

 

And you had just embarrassed yourself in front of Strider.

 

(Again.)

 

You always embarrassed yourself in front of Strider. Or, Strider always found ways to embarrass you.

 

It could be a touch, a look, a small joke, a laugh, or a short tease and your ear problem would spring up. You had left the poor chap many a time with a confused expression as you clamped your hands over your head.

 

You had told your grandmother about it and she had just chuckled and said it was just like that for her when she was your age. You had then whined and asked why the dickens would they even _move_ to the mainland if she had known it would pose so much of a problem on your wellbeing.

 

“Well….” She said, tapping her chin. “It’s best to learn how to handle our gift through experience.”

 

You did not think the problem was a gift. Nope. No no no no.

 

This was definitely some kind of curse put on your family.

 

* * *

 

 

The rest of the day…doesn’t exactly go as you had hoped it would have gone.

 

No. Today had been one of those days where the universe decided to hate you and keep you on your toes.

 

In science, you had accidently tripped over a wire causing the projector to fall over and crash in a pile of broken material on the ground.

 

(Dirk Strider had stared at your clumsiness while the rest of class snickered under their breaths.)

 

In English you had pronounced the word “ambiguous” wrong, which caused your correct-word-pronouncing teacher to fly off the bloody handle and lecture you on the importance of language.

 

(Dirk Strider had turned to give you a smile and a quick eye roll as your face burned.)

 

In math you had incorrectly solved an equation and was forced to stand in front of the classroom for three minutes wracking your brains on trying to find the solution.

 

(Dirk Strider had gotten up and finished the equation for you.)

 

And in gym you had used some of your “colorful” language to call foul only to have the person you were trying to insult laugh at you.

 

(Dirk Strider had merely chuckled at you because he also thought that your way of cursing was comical.)

 

And for all instances you had flushed, felt a _twitch,_ and absconded to the nearest bathroom, covering your head with your hands.

 

Oh how you missed your beanie.

 

Usually, days like this were few and far between so it was just your luck that today was the day you didn’t have anything covering up your canine ears.

 

You just hoped that detention would be swift and painless so you could go home and bury your face in your pillow, wailing to your grandmother about your pitiful teenage woes and your insufferable dog-ears.

 

However, in whatever law that dictates one unfortunate event leads to another, your day only gets worse.

 

Because Dirk Strider waltzes into detention with his dark shades and bright orange backpack.

 

And it’s only the two of you.

 

And you have to be here for an hour.

 

And there’s no way he’s not going to question your antics throughout the day.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“-and don’t you dare text or call anyone before then! You’re lucky I’m letting you keep your cellphones on your person!”

 

You nod stiffly, unable to concentrate on what’s exactly being asked of you as you feel _his_ eyes on the back of your neck.

 

“All clear? Good.” Your teacher nods and quickly stands and heads to the door. You panic for a moment, about to ask where the ever-loving fuck he’s going-

 

And…. he’s gone.

 

And Dirk Strider doesn’t hesitate to move up to the seat next to you. There’s a beat of silence before he asks you (quite sarcastically you might add) how your day went.

 

You sigh. “Bloody awful Strider. It seems like a tiny invisible imp has been tying my shoelaces together all day.”

 

Dirk chuckles. “You were running around a lot too.” He says. “Eat some bad sushi last night or something?”

 

(Hello again embarrassment. Didn’t miss you too much.)

 

“What?! Oh gosh no Strider!” you yelp quickly. “I was just…. just…. had to take care of something.”

 

Dirk’s eyebrows rise. “Really…” He says teasingly and _oh my gosh he just thought that you were taking care of… “THAT” something!_

 

“Didn’t think you would do something like that in a high school English.”

 

“No no bloody no!” You all but yell. “It wasn’t Dirk I swear to you!”

 

He actually has the audacity to laugh. “I know, I know English. It’s just cute seeing you all riled up.”

 

Well, you’re certainly all riled up now. Yes, your cheeks are quite flushed and you can feel a twitch near your head and you know that any second your ears are going to make an unwelcome appearance. You quickly turn your head away from Dirk and take those deep breaths again.

 

“I ( _breathe in_ ) would appreciate ( _breathe out_ ) if you wouldn’t ( _in. out_.) tease me anymore Dirk. ( _IN. OUT._ ) Today has been a rather unfortunate series of misadventures on my part and I can’t fathom ( _long breath_ ) to go through anymore.”

 

There’s silence from Dirk and you can feel yourself cooling off. You still don’t dare look at him though. You do however hear a soft shuffling of his feet.

 

“Sorry.” he says. You breathe out again.

 

“Quite alright there chap.” You answer. You then turn to face him and- _Oh gosh why isn’t he wearing his shades?_

 

He’s looking at you, with his famous “look-that-defintely-melted-your-insides-out-and-could-potentially-cause-more-than-just-your-dog-ears-to-pop-up.”

 

And you really want to look away but _wow is it suddenly hot in here?_

You visibly gulp.

 

“W-well then.” You stutter (he notices). “Why are you here in detention Strider? Did the teacher catch you with when of your…. um…katatakanas today?”

 

“Katana.” He corrects. “And no. I’m here because I told Mr. Vantas after English that his lessons were boring as shit.”

 

Your eyes widen.

 

“What?” you ask, astounded that Dirk would have the tact to say something like that with a straight face. “Strider why would you do that?”

 

He shrugs. “Needed an excuse to get into detention.”

 

“An excuse?”

 

He gives you a smile. “Yes English. An excuse to spend an hour with my favorite person in the school.”

 

(Well isn’t he charming today.)

 

Your throat does that chocking-half noise and the twitch on your head is back. (Calm down Jake! Deep breaths! Deep Breaths!)

 

“I-I…what did I say about the teasing today Dirk?”

 

He smiles. “Sorry, I forgot.”

 

And as he says this, he leans forwards and rests his hands on top of yours. Your hand all but disappears under his own calloused palm and fingers.

 

(And you’re burning again)

 

“D-Dirk?” you mutter, glancing between his hand and his still uncovered eyes. “What are you-?”

 

“I like you English.”

 

Oh…..

 

Oh….

_Oh…._

 

Your face burns a scarlet red and your heart races like one of those automobiles on the track as Dirk unapologetically _confesses_ to you.

 

And dear god he goes on.

 

“I really like you actually. Hell I’m crazy about you and everything.” He says, raising his free hand to brush your cheek. You gulp and you know that you look uncomfortable but he goes on.

 

“And I like the time we spend together but I want more…. So English,” He says, his eyes still locked on yours. “Do you want to be my-?”

 

You yank your hand away from his, stumble from your seat and all but drag your rump across the floor until your back hits a classroom wall, your hands pressed tightly on your head because your problem decided to come out.

 

Now of all bloody times!

 

You whimper as your press your ears against your scalp and squeeze your eyes shut, wishing with all your heart that they’ll just disappear back into your head because yes. Yes you want to go out with Strider! Yes you really really like him to! But confound it you can’t say anything while _these atrocities stick out of your head!_

 

The classroom goes eerily quiet as your palms press into your head. Somewhere in the back of your head you’re screaming at yourself for acting so foolish in front of Strider but you can’t help it! You need to get these things to disappear so you can answer properly. You need to-

 

“…So I guess that’s a ‘no’ then.”

 

Strider’s voice breaks through your thoughts and you open your eyes and-

 

Wow…. Strider looks hurt.

 

No, he looks devastated.

 

He looks like his very own heart has been ripped out of him.

 

Still, he manages a small chuckle. “Coulda just said ‘no’ dude. I would’ve take it easier.”

 

His shades are back on his face and he rises. He doesn’t even look at you as he mutters a quick “Later”, and walks towards the classroom door.

 

(He’s getting away. He thought you rejected him. But you didn’t! You wouldn’t! You just…. just…)

 

“Wait!” you yell, rising clumsily to your feet, but he’s already gone. The bloody misunderstood idiot must have flash stepped and you’re too late. You let you’re emotions get the best of you.

 

(Again.)

 

You let your problem get the best of you.

 

(Again.)

 

You always _always_ do this with Strider. You always leave him with the wrong message because of your problem. You always let this stupid prick of a problem get the best of you and-

 

No.

 

You refuse, absolutely refuse, to let this problem hinder you anymore! You’re name is Jake English and you’re rushing down the hallways until you see a flash of blonde and all but scream out (in an albeit embarrassed mess),

 

“I like you too Dirk Strider!”

 

Your hands are still over your ears and your face is _really really_ warm but you’re still yelling out, over and over again, “I like you too! I like you too! I bloody like you! I-”

 

You see that mess of perfectly shaped hair freeze in its tracks and your run, run as fast you can, until your face to face with him. It’s awkward and weird with your hands on your head but you tell him, to his face this time,

 

“I like you too.”

 

And Strider’s face goes through a series of emotions. Confused, surprised, embarrassed,

 

Then happy.

 

And he’s hugging you. Hugging you and burying the bottom half of his face in your shoulder and you can feel him smile and you’re smiling too because _you’re so happy too_ and he likes you and you like him and this like a dream and you never want it to end and-

 

“Is that a…. tail?”

 

And you’re frozen again.

 

You feel Dirk’s hand move from your back and he touches _something_ that makes you yelp and you jump back from him and look behind you and-

 

Oh my god.

 

There’s a _white dog tail sticking out of your shorts!_

 

And you are officially in full panic mode, flailing your arms around and yelling out bloody profanities because nothing like this has ever happened before and _criss cringle all righteous fury why do you suddenly have a dog tail!?!_

 

And Dirk is staring at your panicked state and you’re forgetting that Dirk is starring at your panicked state and you’ve forgotten that he’s even there until he touches your ears.

 

Not your human ears.

 

Your dog-ears.

 

And you’re forced stop maniac panicking and go back to inner panicking because _Dirk Strider is now touching your dog-ears._

He doesn’t say anything, just rubs his hands slowly over the two fluffy atrocities on your head. You make a small noise that is akin to a cross between a whine and a nervous pant.

 

He still doesn’t say anything as he leans forward to look over your shoulder at your white dog tail (still wagging like the American flag on the Fourth of July.)

 

You’re frozen as he leans back again and takes in your flushed expression and the twitching of your ears.

 

“Huh.” Is all that falls out of his mouth.

 

(Good lord somebody just please come and strike righteous fury on you now.)

 

“Y-yeah…” you say, your neck feeling hot. (No, more than your neck. You’re entire face is burning your sure of it!) You mouth stumbles as you try to think of something, _anything_ to say.

 

“Pretty we-weird right?”

 

(You idiot of course it’s weird! It’s inhuman! It’s humiliating! It’s-!)

 

Dirk breaks your train of thought with a long whistle.

 

“Not gonna lie dude but if you asked me this morning how I thought this day would go I would’ve said either ‘great’ or the ‘worst fucking day ever.’ But this…”

 

He reaches up and touches one of your ears again. You flinch a little but he ignores it. He runs his finger around the soft fur.

 

“…. This is pretty fucking rad.”

 

He then smiles.

 

“Holy shit I’m dating a furry. Dave’s gonna be so jealous.”

 

You feel yourself start to quiver because _what the bloody hell did Dirk Strider just say…?_

 

“Chap I think I need some clarification,” You, say feeling woozy. “Because there’s no possible way-”

 

He interrupts you.

 

“Hey does that mean what we’re doing is ‘bestiality’ or some shit? Or will it be like dating werewolf Taylor Lautner?”

 

“Dirk I have a feeling you’re misunderstanding how drastic this situation is-!”

 

“Wait dude, are you a werewolf?”

 

“Dirk I-”

 

“Cause that would also be fucking cool. I mean if you’re not its fine cause you’re still packing the whole ‘doggy package-‘”

 

“Doggy package?!”

 

“-but I just wanna know so I don’t need to pick up your shredded clothes after a transformation or something. Don’t want anybody stealing your shit after you kamikaze’d them into-”

 

“Heavens no I am not a werewolf!” You finally manage to get a word in. “I just have…these.” You gesture to yourself. Then more quietly you add, “It’s a family… problem.”

 

Dirk’s eyes widen behind his shades. “Wait, you mean there are other English half puppies running around town? Damn that’s cool.” You glare at him. In response, his smile widens as he puts his hands on your shoulders. “Good thing I snagged the one with the cutest ass.”

 

“Wha-? Dirk-!”

 

This is all that comes out of your mouth before something presses on it. Something hot and a bit wet and…weird. But, good weird. Excellent weird.

 

It takes a moment to realize that the “weird” thing is Dirk’s mouth and Dirk Strider is kissing you.

 

_Dirk Strider is kissing you._

 

Your eyes widen and you make a strangled cry of surprise only to have his mouth (his mouth!) press more into yours. You try to mimic what he’s is doing because it’s your first kiss and it’s with Dirk and you have no idea what your doing and _holy Saint Francis of the Cathedral Dirk Strider is kissing you!_

 

And suddenly you feel happy and embarrassed and confused and just so bloody ecstatic and-

 

You yelp again and fall to the ground, your legs unable to support you. Your eyes are instantly covered and you feel your body hit the ground with a _thud_.

 

“Jake?”

 

You struggle to remove whatever’s covering your face but your hands aren’t working. In fact, it feels like your body isn’t working. You twist and turn and everything feels foreign all of a sudden.

 

“Holy shit…” you hear Dirk breath out and you feel your body being _lifted_ , whatever covering your face falling off.

 

“English?” Dirk says again and a whine comes out of your throat but it doesn’t sound right. It sounds higher and shakier and less… human.

 

Dirk then begins to laugh his low grumbling (and at this moment somewhat infuriating), laugh.

 

“Damn Jake, dating you is going to be a literal walk in the park isn’t it?”

 

You would groan if you could but all too soon you realize what just happened. Realize why your body isn’t working. Realize why Dirk is holding you. Realize why you can no longer feel your pants around your hips.

 

Your name is Jake English and today Dirk Strider confessed to you, he became your boyfriend, he found out your secret, he kissed you on the lips,

 

And he is now holding you in his arms because you Jake English just turned into a small white dog.

 

(Why is your life so embarrassing?)

**Author's Note:**

> So if people want more of this feel free to tell me. I want to write more of this because when else am I going to get to write Jake English as a part dog? And embarrassed. I love embarrassed Jake. 
> 
> (If I do write more it would probably be in drabble format tho. Suggestions?)


End file.
